Month: February 2013

Escape Artist

My good friends The Zolas, have been making great music with poetic lyrics for years and their latest album, Ancient Mars, is definitely their finest work to date. Specifically, the song “Escape Artist” speaks to me: it’s about identity, redemption, desperation, evolution – or as lead singer and lyricist Zach Gray put it, “the feeling of having a more vivid version of yourself suppressed inside you.”

NPR, one of the greatest media organisations – if that’s even the best way to describe them – in the world, premiered the video today. Watch it here:

Flirty and Thriving

Of all the days of the year, my birthday is by far my favourite. It’s the only day that really belongs to me and is thus an excuse to celebrate myself – to hold parties in my honour and spend money on things I may not normally purchase. Today, I got a new tattoo and the Atoms For Peace AMOK album in deluxe edition on vinyl, plus I’m treating a friend who has been very kind to me to an experimental theatre show at one of my favourite venues ever, The Roundhouse. Not bad for a Monday birthday.

I received some really nice wishes today and thought I should share the best ones on here:

My best friend Shawna, who I Skype’d with last night, in the hour before I turned thirty, welcomed me by proclaming “Now you’re thirty, flirty and thriving!” I don’t know if she made this up or not, but naturally, I found it hilarious.

From my Dad, who rarely emails me:

“30 years old WoW! You’re getting up there. Proud of your bravery in discerning your passion in life. Keep up the great, exciting work, even if some of it concerns MOM, Go4IT. LOVE DAD”

From my British friend Clementine, who is probably the quirkiest person I know in London, if not the world:

“Happy Birthday you Canadian Hunk of Spunk. After 30 years you’ve crossed continents, entertained Olympians & worn a bow tie. Well done & here’s to many more. We salute you.”

The best wish, by far, was a video from two of my best friends, Shannon and Michelle, covering the Bon Iver song “Blood Bank.” I won’t post it here – they asked me not to share it – but it was a really touching and surprising gesture. Here’s the original version of the song:

Ultimately and undeniably, it’s nice to know that people care about me – and that’s why birthdays are important. Despite the signs of ageing and quickening of time, I have no shortage of love in my life.

Top 30 Songs for My 30 Years

2 years ago, I thought it would be fun to compile a list of my Top 28 Music Artists on my 28th birthday. Last year, I did a list of my Top 29 Albums. I love making lists and while I wouldn’t necessarily put those artists/albums in the same order now, I consider it to be an interesting snapshot of my tastes at the time. In honour of my 30th birthday today, I’ve compiled my Top 30 Songs. This was a more challenging list than the previous ones but I’m pretty happy with what I’ve come up with. As usual, if you’re lucky enough to be in a Spotify-enabled country (sorry Canadians), you can stream it below.

1. “Street Spirit” – Radiohead

2. “Two Rights Make One Wrong” – Mogwai

3. “Round Here” – Counting Crows

4. “Idioteque” – Radiohead

5. “The Sound of Silence” – Simon and Garfunkel

6. “Two Headed Boy” – Neutral Milk Hotel

7. “American Pie” – Don McLean

8. “Heartbeats” – The Knife

9. “Misunderstood” – Wilco

10. “Naveed” – Our Lady Peace

11. “Epic” – Faith No More

12. “Superstition” – Stevie Wonder

13. “Yellow Ledbetter” – Pearl Jam

14. “Two Headed Boy Part Two” – Neutral Milk Hotel

15. “Nautical Disaster (live version)” – The Tragically Hip

16. “Walking Alone” – Green Day

17. “Miasmal Smoke and the Yellow-Bellied Freaks” – Wintersleep

18. “New Joker” – Ladyhawk

19. “Swallowed” – Bush

20. “Love Is A Place” – Metric

21. “Bridge Over Troubled Water” – Simon and Garfunkel

22. “This Years Love” – David Gray

23. “Nothing Ever Happens” – Del Amitri

24. “Symbolistic White Walls” – Matthew Good Band

25. “Teardrop” – Massive Attack

26. “Nightswimming” – R.E.M.

27. “Every Breath You Take” – The Police

28. “Emotion Sickness” – Silverchair

29. “Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!” – Do Make Say Think

30. "Lovely Allen" – Holy Fuck

The Precipice

I am currently 2.5 hours away from turning 30. I have been referring to it as “The Precipice,” mainly because I love that word (and it’s also the title of a bad ass Mogwai song, hear it below) but I also see it as an important milestone – the point of no return into adulthood, or something. I don’t feel old nor do I act like an “adult” all the time but I suppose there’s no denying it now. As my friend and business partner Chris said to me last night, “You’re either getting older or dead.” My desire for the life I want is stronger than ever and the start of another decade has increased my desperation (and that’s not necessarily a bad thing). I don’t have forever, you know!?

The nicest thing about getting older is that I know myself better and I am better at taking care of myself. I was telling Iris yesterday that my life in London is so simple – the range of things I do here are quite limited and I don’t have an expansive social network. More importantly, I have full control of my inputs. That’s the best way I can think of describing it but in other words, I purposefully restrict the things I am exposed to. Not just the experiences I have and the people I surround myself with, but everything in my frame of view. Things that will affect me. It’s taken me a long time to admit and accept that I’m a very sensitive person. I’m not emotional but I am very sensitive to and perceptive of what’s around me. I am especially perceptive of people’s energies and how my own energy/confidence/mood can be altered by others. Because of this sensitivity, I purposely limit what I expose myself to, in order to avoid disrupting the comfortable/confident/happy bubble I live in. For example, I rarely read the news and I am fairly ignorant of current events. Obviously the internet, especially Facebook, makes this ignorance difficult to maintain – and I’m not militant about it – but I honestly think it makes me a happier person. A more specific example, and this happened recently, is shutting out all forms of negativity. I am a fairly optimistic person almost all the time, so I refuse to let other people’s negativity touch me. Someone’s mean remark, unconstructive criticism, hostility, bad attitude – this stuff affects me, probably moreso than it ever should, and I can’t tolerate it. My enduring sense of hope is what allows me to take risks and it cannot be shattered, as much as the world may try. 

Bring on the next decade.

Definition

Recently I told a friend that “I don’t want to be defined by a relationship." I said this in opposition to the notion that a lot of people define themselves by having a romantic partner. This friend – who is a new friend and also happens to be a recently-single, shockingly beautiful and successful woman – and I were having a discussion about marriage and I openly admitted that I can’t fathom committing to anything long-term, let alone having the desire to stay with anyone "forever” (which is obviously an imaginary concept but isn’t it the very premise of marriage?). After a few days of proudly chewing on this statement – I thought it was a really concise way to describe how I feel, plus I love speaking in absolutes – it dawned on me that if I won’t be defined by my need/quest/attainment of romantic love, what will define me?

My first thought was, simply, being a good person – a loyal friend, proactive and sensitive to those I care about. But, in the general sense, I’m not that good of a person – in fact, I think being a “good person” is vastly overrated – though I obviously strive to be seen that way by the people closest to me. For someone as ambitious as I am, being a good person isn’t enough. I’m not saying I need to be famous or renowned for anything – except for being famously rich or renowned for my incredible wealth, I’ll happily take that if and when it comes along. I need to decide where my life is headed and what will define me. In the past, I’ve chosen my definition by what I’m most passionate about: I’ve been a writer, a musician, an artist (in the broad sense) and more recently, a producer. I love all of those titles and I still want to be all of those things… but they aren’t the best fit any more. They don’t do me justice. I need something more, bigger, better.

I’m on the precipice of a very significant birthday and I am someone who considers birthdays to be very symbolic (possibly too much so). I see this upcoming milestone (a mere 5 days away) as the catalyst for  the next phase of my life. Largely, I feel good about this transition. I know myself better than ever and I’m taking care of myself better than ever, but I’m still not content with what defines me. Maybe I’m not fully content with myself – maybe I’ll never be – but the only way I can wrestle this discontent is to look forward. The next self-definition I seek, the next life goal I set – and I’ve always set them and I always achieve them (just never in the time-frame I desire) – will be a big one. However I choose define myself, it has to come from within me, not from or with someone else.

                                    Does this sound dismal? It isn’t.

                                    It’s the most wonderful life on earth.

                                    Or so I feel.

                                    – e e cummings, “A Poet’s Advice to Students”